oh hello tumblr.

i’m eating jellybeans as i write to you. i really shouldn’t be eating jellybeans. heard they are so bad for your teeth. i don’t want cavities.

so i realized, i haven’t been writing much. i just feel like doing it now since, this is like my last official day home for winter break. i’m leaving for davis tomorrow and it sucks because almost everyone i know, is coming back on saturday but eh whatever, friday and saturday is close enough.

anyways… i realized that… telling people how i feel makes me so incredibly vulnerable and i hate it. i learned that i shouldn’t do that anymore. the fact of the matter is, lots of changed. so many things in my life has changed and i have no control over it. i don’t really know what to do with myself or how to feel about it. the hardest part is, no one really knows how it is. and me just talking about it, doesn’t make much of a difference. it won’t be easy describing it. how would i describe it? i don’t even know. it’s like so pointless of me to try to figure out how to say it. and i guess it’s so dumb of me to even try.

so moving on… yesterday i was watching true life and this guy that looked like a girl that looked like a guy, confused me thoroughly. i kept thinking that he was born a girl but in the end, she was actually a guy.. well  a transgender. and it was soo confusing. the point being? she had the hardest time coming to terms with herself… well it’s a him.. she was born a guy but mtv made it seem like she was actually born a girl but yeah. im being confusing.

aside from what i realized and saw yesterday, i also think that i look super different from before. like since ive been eating out so much this entire break… i just feel disgusting. purely disgusting… something has to change…

this post is like almost pointless and random and running on tangents. but i guess, i hope things change for winter quarter. or i hope this quarter won’t suck even though it’s like the worst quarter ever. well it was last year.. but hopefully it will be different this year. to the best of luckk..

it’s 2012. (first post as 2012)

the year went by kinda fast but in a weird way.

laterrrrs.

fancysomedisneymagic:

Will do!

i wish i could be punching in a dream.

this song is cool. and the video is pretty cool too.

but i wish i was in a dream.

so it’s FREEZING. and i didn’t pack enough clothes once again. more like i don’t have another wintery clothes.. hahah. bad bad. it’s gonna get so cold in davis :[

ohemjfer:

10knotes:

We thought it’d be cute to make matching sweatshirts for our trip to Disneyland.  So we bought all the supplies we needed, created the design on Photoshop, and made them at home.  It was a lot of fun to make and cute to wear (:

Submitted by willbetomorrow

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Those sweaters are SO CUTE

omg. want. i was at disneyland like last week.. on tuesday.. i didn’t buy any kind of clothing :[

..i haven’t posted in ages.. and guess where i am now..

i’m back. back from davis. on winter break. you would say that i should be happy about that but in all honesty, i’m not.

it’s been rough…

i just want to go back to living my old life when things were better.. easier.. and not like this.

i can’t explain how much my life has changed. the more i think about it, the more i wished i valued my time before. how it’ll never be the same now. how i can’t go back. i didn’t understand the impact that it would have on my life and now i realized just how big that is. the sad part is, there is no way of going back. if only i could invent a time machine, that would be cool. not only a time machine, i wanna build a teleporting machine. that would be even cooler because i could be anywhere in the world.

but anyways, yeah, i like how i don’t have to worry about grades or schoolwork right now, but i wished winter break was shorter. i just want to go back to davis and live my life and have a home.

i won’t necessarily wanna start school up again but i just want to be there. it is my home… i miss it..

i hate feeling like there is no trust in me. things won’t work. it’s just not going to work for me and i can’t do it. i don’t know how long i can put up with this but eventually, i’m just going to need to find solutions so i can avoid being in this situation again, at all costs.

i’ve decided though. i want to take summer sessions at davis and i’ll do two sessions. it’s beneficial in all ways. first, i get more classes done and also, i can take classes i wanna take just for fun, without actually wasting time. secondly, since i am already paying for the 3 months of rent at my apartment, i might as well make use of it. the only downfall is that it’ll be hard seeing my friends but i guess i’ll probably be happier if i am davis and away from things.. it’ll still suck but i guess this solution is a good one..

winter break feels long. i shouldn’t be complaining though. its almost christmas. though, christmas feels a lot different from what it used to be. there doesn’t seem to be many signs of christmas here. christmas was my favorite holiday. it still is. but i wish i could be reminded more of it though. guess i can’t do much about it now.

yup, i know this is such a depressing post. i guess i get like this whenever i have free time to myself and i am not in davis but i am home.. somewhere…

until next time, maybe it’ll be more jolly because christmas is around the corner.

despite all of this, i still love christmas… even if i am not exposed to much of it. haha.

later.

10knotes:

Submitted by thekaycho

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i love bows! too bad i lost one of mine :[

10knotes:

Featured on 10Knotes, the 10,000 notes blog.

cool story bro. tell it again

peace sign on friendship bracelet!!!

it’s been 3 months of summer and it’s finally feeling like it’s almost ending. part of me is sad and part of me is happy. it’s bittersweet. not the fact that i haven’t been doing any sort of work for so long but the fact that so many things are changing. this isn’t some emo personal post. it’s just whatever..

ANYWAYS, i finally moved into my apartment today and i have to say that i like it. it’s pretty cool. it’s pretty quiet.. eh.. i hope that changes a little bit..

but i can’t believe that 3 months of summer went by. i would say that i’ve had some pretty tough times during those 3 months…….

long distance wise.. it sucks. i’ve had to face a lot of obstacles, distance / no distance.

i’m being so entirely vague but this is worth a post. anyways.. i’m sitting in my single bedroom in my apartment and i’m actually feeling pretty good about it..

it’s so random but i know i lack so much sleep. haha

i don’t sleep even when i feel tired and when i am tired. haha i still don’t sleep.

okaybye.